The Girl Who Dates Her Own Body 

I love my body. I didn’t always, but this pasty white, jiggly mass of flesh and bones that is the vessel of my consciousness, we’re cool now. 


It’s a good thing too, because this bod and I, are kind of stuck with each other. We may as well get along… After all, life is a lot easier when you’re in a mutually beneficial relationship, especially when it’s the one you share with yourself!



I used to avoid taking my body out to certain places. I didn’t want to be seen in public with it. I was ashamed. This hurt my body very much. It also hurt me. I began to resent it. I wished it looked better. I wished I had a different one. 


I didn’t like eating in out because I would worry that my body might not fit into the booths. I worried that people would stare at us as we ate. I rarely went to places like the pool, or the beach. I couldn’t bear the thought of people seeing my body in a bathing suit. 


I wanted to love it. I wanted to be able to look at my body and like what I saw, the same way everyone on TV and in magazines seemed to be able to. I just didn’t hadn’t yet realized that the answer wasn’t that I needed to change my body, but rather, I needed to change the way I saw it.  

I started looking for beauty in the parts of my body I had convinced myself weren’t beautiful. I began looking, and I mean, really looking at it in the mirror and in photographs, and changing the language I used to describe it. I started feeding it the foods it liked without worrying about their calorie count. I stopped treating my body like it deserved to be constantly punished for looking different than the way the movie stars and magazines told me it should. 

Now I take my body out on dates. We go to restaurants, movies, and out for ice cream in public together. We don’t care who sees us. We’re in love. 



We even go to the beach together… In a bikini… After hiding my body for all this time, it deserves to feel the warmth of the sunlight, and the caress of the beachside breeze.  


We’re so in tune with each other, my body and I, that we’ve basically become one… I mean, one could argue that we always have been, but it sure didn’t feel that way for most of my life. 


You see, I spent most of it telling myself how good I would look if only I had a better body, how I wished I could have somebody else’s— how much I hated it. The disassociation I made between my body and self became my reality. I separated myself from it as an act of self-preservation, and it took me all these years to get up the courage to apologize to my body for how badly I had treated it, and promise to it, that I would never let myself do that again. 


So to you, I may just look like a fat girl on the beach, strutting around showing off my swim body in a floral bikini, and on the surface, you’d be right… But if you dig a little deeper, what you’ll really see, is the foundation of a newly rekindled relationship between a once very broken girl, and her body, that never was. 

A big thank you to this bikini babe for these awesome shots!!! (Except for this one, which I can thank my mum for!)


Bikini, GabiFresh for Swimsuits For All – here 

Sandals, ASOS – similar 

Cover up, Zellers – old AF (Zellers doesn’t event exists anymore, haha)

6 comments

  1. Rebecca

    You are a goddess! I’m fairly new to your blog and I love your fashion style and your writing. This post is just so beautifully written and really touched me. I am just now learning to love and cherish my body – at age 47 – after hating it all my life. Keep writing sweetheart, you are amazing and you are making a difference. 🙂

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