October 4, 2016
Life is all about taking risks, overcoming obstacles, and breaking through barriers… But when self-doubt starts seeping in through those little cracks that a lifetime of being ashamed of yourself has left behind, it can be much easier said than done.
I’m not saying this because I’m in the mood to dish out life advice, but because my self-doubting thoughts almost got the best of me last week, and I know that so many of you beautiful people struggle with your own body image too.
I receive comments from my followers all the time, about how much they wish they could have my confidence…
So, I really wanted to remind you all, that even the most confident, body positive people still have those moments when it’s hard to love themselves sometimes, and you are sooooo not alone on those days when you look in the mirror and feel like you’re just not good enough.
The confidence you see in my pictures didn’t happen overnight. It is an ongoing process, and I never want any of you to think that it is unattainable or unreachable in any way.
I woke up on the morning of my shoot. I had planned out my whole outfit. I had actually been really excited about it, because it had been a while since I wore something a little more risqué.
The look was made up of four of the most fabulous, sexy, and empowering pieces I own — a black, gold studded, bodycon mini dress from Stylzoo, a stunning chain headpiece from Ready To Stare, my amazing thigh high boots from SexyPlus, and the most incredible black satin bomber from SmartGlamour, with custom lettering.
I got dressed, did my makeup, pulled my boots up my chubby thighs, and… I started to feel self-conscious.
I began berating myself for having ever thought I could pull off such a sexy look. Who am I? A thirty-something, fat wife and mother looking like a hooker trying to show someone a good time…?
I fat shamed myself. I slut shamed myself… Two things that I am so strongly opposed to, and yet there I was, staring at my own reflection, picking myself apart and telling myself that I didn’t deserve to feel sexy, and that showing off my body somehow made me less valuable. I almost didn’t leave the house.
I thought of my headpiece from Ready To Stare, and how rad as hell it is, and how much of a sexy goddess it makes me feel.
And I thought of my bomber from SmartGlamour, and how excited I was when I was able to select the words “FAT GIRL” in big gold letters, to be displayed across the back, because I’m fat and proud of who I am!
The thought of how I had come so far to finally accept my body —myself, and feel good in the clothes I love, came flooding back, washing the doubt into oblivion.
And I decided, fuck what I think people might say about me, my body, and how I choose to dress it! I’m not going to let my self-doubt get in the way of me wearing the stuff I love, just because I’m worried about anyone’s judgement!!!
I went out and did my shoot on a busy street in late afternoon, looking fly as hell; and I just wanted all of you to know that even when you see my pictures and think it looks easy, I do still struggle with self-confidence, and I don’t ever want any of you to feel alone in that!
The important thing to remember, and I hope I can be an example of it, is never to forget how far you’ve come — how hard you’ve worked toward self-acceptance, or how badly you want it. You deserve to love yourself, and that’s what will bring you back to reality — and that reality is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that YOU ARE WORTHY.