Fat Girl Problems

Fat Girl Problems

Yes. You heard me. Fat girl problems.

Now, while I have largely overcome my bad habit of criticizing my flaws and constantly putting myself down, that doesn’t mean I can’t indulge in a little self-deprecation in the name of a laugh from time to time; and while it can be hard to find humor in inner thigh chaffing, us fat girls have plenty to laugh about!

Now, I mentioned thigh chaffing. But in case you don’t know what I mean by it, I’m not talking a little redness and discomfort between your thighs because you’ve just run a half-marathon in short shorts… No. I’m talking ridiculously chaffed inner thighs, to the point of blistering all because you decided not to wear your Spanx under your skirt to the grocery store because you didn’t feel like taking the extra 20 minutes to wrestle yourself into them before leaving. And the love/hate relationship I have with Spanx is quite the conundrum. I love how they make me look, they protect me from the nasty chaffing, and, I don’t have to worry about my tummy flopping about should I *gasp* actually have to run for any reason.

Reasons I Might Run:
-Trying to escape burning building
-Trying to run from axe murderer
-Trying to beat someone to the last jar of Nutella
*(Notice I said “trying” because I’m not very fast)

But I hate the fight to get in them. I’m pretty sure trying to put on a pair of Spanx feels a lot like being born, only, instead of slipping through and breathing a sigh of relief, you just stop half way and stay like that for the next 8 hours. The actual process of putting them on is basically my cardio for the week. I start to sweat, my heart rate increases and when I’m done I like to reward my hard work with a shake. While they make me look sexy, there is nothing sexy about getting into them. My husband once innocently came into the room as I was fighting my way into a pair and I’m pretty sure I turned into a combination of Quasimodo and the girl in The Exorcist as I hissed and growled at him to look away. He hasn’t made that mistake again.

As tough of a struggle it is to get into my Spanx, nothing really compares to the feeling of getting out of them, though. What a liberating sensation! It feels like everything just falls back into place (because literally, that’s what’s happening), you get to scratch all those itchy red marks the seams left on you, and then take hot bath after a long day in restrictive shapewear. It’s positively glorious.

But bath time comes along with its own set of issues:
 
Fat Girl Bath Problems:
– Cold shoulders vs. cold legs
– Bathwater becoming cold behind you because your butt is so wide it creates a dam
– The tidal wave when you try to stand up to get out when bath time is done
*(I say “try” here, because there are times when getting up out of the bath looks more like a wet walrus trying to makes it’s way over a wall)

But once you’ve toweled off, put baby powder between your rolls, dried the bathroom floor of any spillage that may have resulted from the fat girl tsunami, and all is said and done… The reality is, whether we’re fat or skinny, we all have our problems; and I’d rather laugh about mine than cry. I won’t complain that my head just about hits the car roof when I drive because my butt adds an extra 8 inches to my height when I’m in a seated position, or that sometimes my belly honks at people when I’m trying to get out of the car; I won’t complain that my hairdresser told me that me that compared to my body, my head looks like a cantaloupe, and I won’t even complain that when I dance with my husband, and we turn around, he completely disappears behind me, like *poof*, and he’s gone! Nope…  Because I like who I am!

I’m a fat girl. I have fat girl problems, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I know how to laugh at myself, I know how giggle at life’s little jests and I will fight you for the last cupcake.

21 comments

  1. Abbi

    OMG… thigh chafing is the WORST… especially on a summer holiday with lots of sight seeing. My husband thinks watching me put on my Spanx is HILARIOUS! My other big one is boob related hem shrinkage. I have an AMPLE bust so with shirts and dresses everything is always too short because I lose about 5 inches of fabric to my mammoth chest!

  2. phrenocat

    I can attest to the bath thing! lol. I usually just sit there till the water runs out otherwise the tidal wave will just flood the bathroom. Great writing. Thanks for the giggle.

    • FlightOfTheFatGirl (Cynthia)

      lol… See, I’ve figured out this maneuver where I kind of get up half way and block the back flow of the water and go back and forth like that, in both directions until I’m in the clear… It’s taken some time to get it right, but I’d say I’m successful at least 45% of the time. Ha.

      Thanks! And, glad you enjoyed the post! 😉

  3. lyssacelestriacampbell

    Such a refreshing post. I gave up on baths due to the tsunamis and slipping hazard they caused and now just opt for a lovely burn-you-lobster-red shower instead – that way there isn’t the shoulder/leg trade off. The spanx thing got me too, now I just wear bike shorts instead – they may not hide my wobblier bits, but the comfort is worth it. Love reading your posts and seeing your fashion shots.

    • FlightOfTheFatGirl (Cynthia)

      Haha! Thank you! I’m happy to hear that you enjoyed the post! I do love a good hot shower too, but the bathroom is usually the only place I can escape my ankle-biting children, so baths give me an excuse to slip away for longer and not have to remain standing (yuck)… Haha! And bike shorts, huh? I never thought of that! I just may have to give that a try! 😉

  4. chelsy123

    I know exactly what your talking about being in the double digits is hard on woman, oh and don’t get me started on the spanx (the struggle be too real), and the baby powder sucks for me I break out to easily, but you look damn good!!! You make it sexy and sophisticated it definitely gives me hope and confidence when I see one of your amazing outfits it keeps me going honestly, I’ve learned to accept my body now because of your awesomeness!!! #Ialsowillfightforthatcupcake

    • FlightOfTheFatGirl (Cynthia)

      Wowww!!! Thank you! What an amazing compliment! I’m thrilled to hear that I’ve inspired you to accept your body! You are beautiful, and don’t ever think otherwise!

      It’s unfortunate that baby powder doesn’t work for you. Perhaps it’s the fragrance that you’re allergic to? As someone mentioned in a comment earlier, try using plain cornstarch. That’s the base for most baby powders nowadays and is actually better for your lungs than talc. It should do the same trick, and hopefully without any adverse effects. Good luck! 🙂

      #thatcupcakeisminesobackoff ha! 😛

  5. Pingback: Harem Pants | flight of the fat girl
  6. dustandbones

    Just stumbled onto your blog and it is FANTASTIC. I’ve been scrolling through your amazing outfits (I need to learn your ways, I my own style is lacking inspiration at the moment) but this post in particular made me laugh so hard.

    Because it’s so true! The ‘bathtub butt dam’ comment was so spot on. haha

    • FlightOfTheFatGirl (Cynthia)

      Ahh!!! Thank you SO much!!! I’ve been in Haiti for a while and lacking reliable internet access, but I am back in Montreal now, and ready to get writing again!

      Please stay tuned!!! I have a few words to say on how my butt fit into the airplane seat on my flight- or rather DID NOT, which you may find amusing! Haha! 🙂

  7. Rosie

    Coming from a formerly thin girl’s (5’10”, 130, size 6-8, 4 years ago) perspective: I’ve recently gone from a 22 to a 14 on the way to my pre-2-babies body, at age 35. A few health incidents after baby #2, I became acquainted with apple-shaped, and the bum-tum. LOLOLOL, your blog has made me seriously laugh at all of it! Spanx-wiggling resulting in sweating ala bikram yoga, and tsunami-making in the bath; I feel ya! You seriously look straight dope, though, and your posting of affordable, age-friendly pieces deserves a lovely medal. Big fan, and I look forward to reading your spot-on, fashion-forward posts, no matter my size.

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